There will be fresh avocados sprinkled with pink Himalayan salt for breakfast. Beyoncé will join me at the table, singing radiant praise to the day with lush lyrics that settle into my sun-kissed skin like organic coconut oil.
“Comfortable in my skin. Cozy with who I am.”
I will sit with the question inspired by Joseph Campbell about what makes me deeply happy, and tears will spring to my eyes because the immediate answer will sweep me up in unfiltered, heart-expressed truth: I love being with children.
The memories from my summer theatre camps — from Austin to Hickory to Lexington — will emerge and I’ll re-remember how much I love to play, how I love to create a container for their creativity to be wild and to take clever and imaginative shape. The truth of that response will stay with me.
I will crave dresses. I will speak from my womb. I will go on a pants-less diet. I will brush my eyebrows and eyelashes with aloe vera.
I will feel so wildly beautiful diving into the gulf’s stormy waters. I will swim in the rain-splattering salt water, and will walk home under a rainbow, who a little girl in front of me with her father will explain that at the end of that rainbow there’s not a pot of gold but fake money and everyone will go, “Ugh bro!” And then the characters in the story will retrace their steps and discover luck at the other end. It will conclude in gold.
And in feeling so wildly beautiful, enjoying my natural aliveness, a sharp memory will reemerge and stain the feeling. I will notice how my pain-body, my ego’s grasp to pull me into the emotionally heavy past, infiltrates my moments of spontaneous joy, popping the balloon quickly, and I will see that this too stems from a fear around “safety.” I will see that this is an unhealed aspect cautioning me not to be too happy, not to be too expressive in my happiness, for I will be put down, judged, attacked; I will be too visible in my luminosity. And I will realize that the person who is diminishing my inner child’s joy is me.
I will practice this mantra to help me return to the moment …
I receive and embody the freedom, the beauty, the joy of this now-moment with ease.
My practice will be letting life love me, and receiving this love open-heartedly.
I will commit to my holistic sexuality program and soften to befriend and reunite with the vital sexual creative energy within. I will reclaim pleasure as power, and through the program, I will witness other women — from all across the world and from a range of ages and life journeys — speak out-loud their stories on that sacred gathering ground that is the Zoom.
I will cry because they will voice feeling broken, that their bodies have been abused by the outer forces who for thousands of years have sought to keep women out of their bodies, out of their womb-wise direct channels to the divine and to their own embodied expressions of truth. I will see their perfection, the perfect orchestration of the female body, and come home, once more, to this awe-inspiring, breath expansive knowing — vibrant wellbeing is our human right, and health is meant to be easy. The dis-ease signals a misbelief that is not ours to carry.
And in 2022, body-guided wellbeing is (r)evolutionary.
Activating our bliss body, that parasympathetic response, will exuberantly return us back to the joy-lit path that is beaming wellness.
Fortifying faith in our inner knowing will readjust our crowns.
We will reign in our own expert sovereignty, and from this vantage point, I will dissolve my perception of flaws and understand the healing language of the body.
During the holistic sexuality course, while I’m focused on clearing my sexual blocks and returning to cozy self-intimacy, I will experience large zits along my jawline, the zone corresponding with reproductive organs and hormones, breakouts that are not typical for me. I will not fall into a hyper-thinking rut — overanalyzing my products and food choices. I will see that this too is the body speaking, releasing, rinsing out the old stories to repair and renew.
I will stop searching for products and supplements to fix me. I will focus on emotional wellbeing through emotional transparency and self-honesty. Emotional freedom technique will be woven into my skincare routine. I will practice seeing myself through the eyes of the heart, through Christ consciousness, and know this inner gaze translates to how I see everyone else.
I will write this while wearing a red-patterned dress, a birthday gift from a friend’s mother that always reminds me of 1960s mod-fashion.
I will be in the company of a palm tree and sipping a sparkling water.
I will write this because the epiphanies happening are larger than words, and writing will be a reverent bowing to what-is.
I will be walking in late summer awe, letting these feelings crack and dissolve the conditionings and the programming that tricked me into believing my body was something to be feared. I will find she is nothing to fear. She is everything to love. And dancing to Beyoncé, eating fresh avocado and swimming in rain-dancing salt-water will re-deliver her to me.
I will just want to share what keeps returning in astounding brightness to me … that this liberated homecoming is supposed to be this breath-giving, this honeyed, this sunlit, this blessed with ease.
I will lovingly whisper to myself to soften even more to sublimely receive.
P.S. ~ And I believe in dancing, and dancing activates our body’s tend-and-befriend response. So here’s a playlist to dance in the kitchen to or see it as an inspiration to create a playlist that brings you home to feeling bliss-lit embodiment.
Bliss-Lit Body PLAYlist :: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6mpsHCAnZIPfHkL02ee0ZG?si=jv7PACu3RMKtZmqMLeOWsg